Grief Spasms
The term “Grief Spasms” was used in a MADD publication I came across on their website…and I immediately thought, how appropriate a phrase. “Grief spasms:” the instance of having a visitation of grief at an unpredicted moment. Maybe you are sitting at work, driving in your car, cooking in your kitchen, shopping at a store…and maybe the thoughts just creep or maybe they pop into your head…maybe something serves as a reminder…but either way, the pain emerges, your heart aches (physically as well as metaphorically), the tears threaten to flow. Every time I get behind the wheel, especially for long drives, I think of Amit, I think of the risk of a drunk driver hitting me, I think of Deepika and Jevesh and the life they should have had instead of the one Troy Hovey made for them. There is rarely a day that goes by that I do not think about what happened. In the weeks since news of Hovey’s probation violation made headlines, followed by his admission in court, I have not had one good night’s sleep... I think about what he has done. I think about how he does not have any remorse. I think about how I might fix things, knowing full well I cannot. I think about these things during the day, at home and at work. ... I don’t want to be writing this letter. I do not want to have a family of faces that serve as my personal reasons for taking a stand. I was just fine trying to make a difference without having a personal reason to do so…but I did not get that choice and so, here I am, wounds reopened that had only just begun to heal a bit, dealing with the bad choices of one man in particular, Troy Lee Hovey.
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