Making a Written Impact...Part 5...Punishment and Accountability

Punishment and Accountability

A man has violated the law and he must be held accountable for his actions. If he is not remorseful and has not embraced recovery, he has the potential to repeat his past crimes...and in so doing, puts each and every one of us and our loved ones at risk. Perhaps Troy Hovey Needs to go to prison... not only to be held accountable for his actions and misdeeds, but to gain perspective on what he has done and to be given the opportunity in a more secure and supervised setting, to attempt recovery. There are no guarantees as to whether or not Hovey will ever have remorse or will ever seriously address his addiction, however, I do believe that keeping him off the streets for as long as possible could save lives.

Some may say, “But what about his wife and kids?” I would argue…what about Amit’s wife and child? What about them? What about all the people who cared about Amit? In the end, I have sympathy for his wife and children, but the reality is, the only person to blame for this entire mess, this tragedy, is Troy Hovey. If anyone wants to point fingers, they can only point them at Troy Hovey. He made the choices that killed a good man, Amit Tandon, two years ago, and he is the man who chose to willfully violate probation, reopening wounds for all victims, torturing Deepika, torturing me, torturing Amit’s family and friends. Troy Hovey has punished his own family by virtue of the choices he has made, no one else.

Troy Hovey killed Amit Tandon, resulting in an immeasurable amount of pain, suffering, and heartache for Deepika Tandon, Me, Amit’s family, friends, the community of Chico, and all those whose lives Amit touched in his different jobs, travels, and farmer’s markets. Troy Hovey did not just violate probation…he violated the victims, Amit’s family and friends, he violated Deepika, he violated me …once again…reopening wounds we thought were healing…having to relive the terrible grief all over again.

When Troy Hovey returns to life outside of jail/prison, regardless of when that may be, I believe he needs to continue to be held responsible for his choices by the court. First and foremost, driving is a privilege and in demonstrating that he is not capable of making good decisions, Troy Hovey should not get his license back, ever. People all over the world function without a license and personal vehicle; they ride a bike, take the bus, walk, or get a ride, and they get along just fine, this includes people with families and jobs. Troy Hovey is an alcoholic, forever, regardless of whether he is able to get treatment. He may eventually be able to turn to a sober life, but, as many alcoholics do, he could fail, return to drinking and bad choices, and once again put lives at risk. Taking Hovey’s license away will save lives.

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I mentioned earlier that Amit, Deepika, Me, Amit’s family and friends…we have all received life sentences…a lifetime of punishment, heartache, and pain, all a result of the choices that Troy Hovey has made, both two years ago and now. Troy Hovey should be required to perform a lifetime of service to atone for his crimes. He should have to perform community service for as long as his body and mind will allow. I honestly do not believe that is unreasonable considering the lifetime of loss and heartache that all of his victims must suffer. I will suffer this pain for the rest of my life, it will shape my choices and my relationships, this tragedy is not something that is forgotten, it is a scar on my brain and in my heart.

Making a Written Impact....Part 4...No Remorse? No Recovery?

No Remorse, No Recovery

Troy Hovey had an opportunity to make amends...to channel supposed remorse to embrace recovery (as Judge Glusman had mentioned in court). In the last two years Hovey has not shown any remorse, restitution is still pending, and he has demonstrated, by violation of his probation, that he is not serious about dealing with his alcohol recovery.

What I know is that Hovey has admitted to having violated his probation and he does not appear to have any remorse for anything he has done. A recent Facebook entry from Hovey (dating from May/June of this year) shows him inquiring, on a motorsports business Facebook page (Chico Motorsports), as to the cost and availability of a luxury item purchase...a recreational vehicle that costs almost $9000...meanwhile, Amit's widow Deepika works every single day of the week (7 days...not just M-F) to make ends meet and take care of her child. Would a remorseful person do such a thing? Would a remorseful person violate probation? Would a remorseful person falsify AA logs? Would someone who has "embraced" recovery falsify AA logs? If he had wanted to seek a different form of treatment, why not petition the court? Why lie and deceive unless he knew he was doing something wrong? Having committed these violations, I pose a potentially even more serious series of questions: What else could he be guilty of? What else may he by lying about? Whose lives may he be putting at risk?

Making a Written Impact...Part 3...Choices

Choices

Troy Hovey stole the life of a good man, full of life and good will. Amit Tandon was only 32 years old. He was a son, a husband, a friend, and he would have been a great dad… I truly believe that everyone who knew Amit was better for having him in their lives, I know I am a better person. He was not just Deepika’s husband; he was her best friend and love of her life. Deepika must now face the rest of her life without him by her side. Never to feel his kisses upon her cheeks, never to have him there to comfort her, tease her, hug her, support her, or love her. Jevesh will never have the chance to truly know his father. He will not have his father there for him as he struggles with his health issues. He will never have his father there to teach him to become a man. Friends and family are deprived of his friendship, kindness, and great wisdom.

Drunk Driving is not a mistake, it is not an accident, it is not an error...it is a choice, plain and simple. I believe that anyone above the age of, probably 12 (younger for those unfortunate to suffer the results of someone's choice to drink and drive), knows that drinking and driving is dangerous and has the high potential of resulting in severe injury or death, this is not a surprise, not to anyone. A person knows before that first sip passes their lips that they need to make appropriate plans for a safe way home...and to do otherwise puts lives at risk.

If a person chooses to drink and drive then they should be held accountable for their choices. Whether or not they are a good person, have a particular job, have had a particular surgery, or even that they have a family of their own, does not excuse a bad choice or eliminate responsibility for the terrible results of those choices…Victims of DUI have families, are good people, have good jobs, but in the end…they do not get a choice.

If a person chooses to drink and drive, they choose to become a killer...they may not have chosen their specific victim...but they have chosen to behave in a manner that will likely cost someone (or more than one person) their life and ultimately bring about tremendous pain and heartache to those left behind to pick up the pieces. The emotional and physical toll that a family and surviving friends must endure after losing a loved one to a collision resulting from DUI is immeasurable.

Hovey drank to excess...He Chose to drink (elevating his BAC to Three Times the Legal Limit)...He Chose Not to call his wife or a taxi or Someone to get a safe ride home...He Chose to get behind the wheel of a multi-ton vehicle turned death machine...He Chose to drive at excessive speeds (between 60-90 mph by law enforcement estimates)...He Chose to talk on a cell phone while driving (at excessive speeds and intoxicated). All of these Choices ultimately lead to Hovey driving through a barrier and driving the wrong way on 99... Hovey collided with Amit’s truck and I can only pray that his death was instant and that he had no chance for regrets, for thoughts of his wife and child, a wife and child he would never have the chance to see, to hold, to love (can you imagine having to consider the broken body of someone you care about, hanging out of a vehicle, their life destroyed by a reckless and selfish person?…I have to…Deepika has had to, Amit’s family have had to) …and now…Troy Hovey has willfully chosen to violate probation, reopening wounds for all those that cared about Amit, that care about Deepika and Jevesh.

What happened on August 6th of 2008 was a collision resulting from one person's series of Selfish, Bad choices...That crash was not an accident, an accident implies no one is at fault...It is no different than waving a gun around and having it go off...one knows that a gun can be dangerous and that waving it around is extremely dangerous...and if you choose to wave that gun around...you know there is a risk that someone will get hurt or die...Troy Hovey made choices... and because of one man's series of bad choices, the life of a son, brother, uncle, husband, friend, and father, was stolen. Deepika and Jevesh have received life sentences, a lifetime without husband and father. Amit's family, life sentences...Amit's friends, life sentences... Me, I have a life sentence. Amit Tandon never had a choice, he received a death sentence. Deepika and Jevesh, and all those that cared about Amit, never had a choice.

Making a Written Impact...Part 2...Background, Dreams, Pain

A Little Background

Amit and Deepika Tandon married on December 28 of 2007. They were best friends and loved each other deeply. Ask anyone who had the pleasure of meeting them...She loved him so much and he adored her...They laughed and smiled, the kindness they showed each other and everyone they met warmed the heart. Amit was magnetic and charismatic, Deepika, kind and warm. They were not just husband and wife; they were partners and best friends. Amit and Deepika came to know they would be parents in the spring of 2008...If only one could have taken a snapshot in that one moment...I can only imagine that Amit must have been just about ready to burst with joy...For the next number of months, Amit cared for Deepika...protecting her (overprotecting her), taking care of her, preparing for their lives as parents. He ultimately had only three goals he wanted to pursue in his life…to marry his best friend, his partner; to be a father; and to be successful enough in his business to be able to retire young, allowing him to raise his children, enjoy his marriage, and enjoy his “golden years.” At the beginning of 2008, it looked like all of his dreams were coming true.

Devastated Dreams

All of those dreams came crumbling down in a terrible rubble on August 6^th of 2008, just a few short weeks from what would have been Amit’s 33^rd birthday…and only a few short months away from becoming an American citizen.

On Monday, August 4th, Amit and Deepika found out that the child they were having was going to be a boy. On Wednesday, August 6th, Amit worked in the kitchen to prepare for the markets, never knowing the tragedy that would unfold, never even having the opportunity to talk about names for their baby boy. Imagine for a moment that you were in Deepika's place that night…waiting, worrying, wondering where her husband was, and then, the knock on the door, an officer with her husband’s wallet, and news, such terrible news. There are no words to express the devastation, horror, and trauma that one feels in that moment. Your heart is torn from your chest, you scream out, devastated, you pray to god that it is not happening, begging for it not to be true, to hope that it is all some terrible nightmare and that they are wrong, it was someone else, that Amit would come walking through the door at any moment…but he didn't, he won't, he never will.

The Pain

I can tell you how I felt when I heard the news....Sick...my stomach went cold, my face hot, every nerve ending seemed to be on fire, disbelief, my heart raced, pounding in my ears and in my chest, praying that it was some mistake...my body was tight, my throat was clenching, trying to hold back the tears...and then...then there was no stopping the tears. I remember driving to work that morning, stuck in Tucson working, 5 am, no one else was on the road at that hour...my windows were rolled down …I screamed.... I screamed like I have never screamed in my life, it was deep and from a place I did not even know existed. I think I probably cried every day for at least 6 months and it did not stop after 6 months, it just slowed…and the pain was and is always there, a never-ending ache. I want you to understand how I felt so you may consider this: My heartache and pain is only a tiny fraction of what Deepika and Amit’s family have experienced, do experience.

I met Amit’s parents during the short time they were here in the states after his death. We were sitting in the hallway at Enloe Hospital in Chico. Jevesh, Amit’s child, had been born less than 24 hours prior, and at that moment, he was fighting for his life in the ICU, awaiting a LifeFlight helicopter to take him to the Children’s Hospital in Stanford. I told Amit’s mother that I had known her son and he was a good man, he was my friend…she sobbed…telling me that when Amit died, she died….that she was not sitting there, she had died. I watched as Amit’s father could not endure the pain of the conversation and seeing his wife so devastated, reminding him of his own pain. He sobbed, turning away, unable to speak. I watched Amit’s niece, sobbing, going to her grandfather and hugging his leg, trying to comfort him, trying to comfort herself. We all cried. We cried for our loss. We cried for Jevesh, not knowing what would happen. The pain is sharp and acute even now. I remember it vividly and it hurts…two years may as well be two seconds, the pain is still real and so are the tears still shed.

Deepika's baby was born with situs inversus (his organs are backwards), he has no spleen, and five different heart defects...the next 6 months were spent at the Lucile Packard Children's Hospital where Jevesh underwent multiple surgeries and procedures to both stabilize his conditions and address some of the heart defects... Imagine having to go through all of that without your husband/partner, without a support system, without someone to lean on, the way a husband is suppose to be there for his wife. Imagine having to suffer the pain and anxiety of watching your child go through surgeries, stuck in a hospital bed with tubes and IVs, not knowing if he will live or how long he may live, while at the same time, grieving for your husband, wanting and needing him there, the pain of his loss still incredibly fresh and raw. Deepika had no choice and though I could be there as a friend, no one can substitute for a husband and no one can replace Amit.

Making a Written Impact...Part 1...Grief Spasms...

Grief Spasms

The term “Grief Spasms” was used in a MADD publication I came across on their website…and I immediately thought, how appropriate a phrase. “Grief spasms:” the instance of having a visitation of grief at an unpredicted moment. Maybe you are sitting at work, driving in your car, cooking in your kitchen, shopping at a store…and maybe the thoughts just creep or maybe they pop into your head…maybe something serves as a reminder…but either way, the pain emerges, your heart aches (physically as well as metaphorically), the tears threaten to flow. Every time I get behind the wheel, especially for long drives, I think of Amit, I think of the risk of a drunk driver hitting me, I think of Deepika and Jevesh and the life they should have had instead of the one Troy Hovey made for them. There is rarely a day that goes by that I do not think about what happened. In the weeks since news of Hovey’s probation violation made headlines, followed by his admission in court, I have not had one good night’s sleep... I think about what he has done. I think about how he does not have any remorse. I think about how I might fix things, knowing full well I cannot. I think about these things during the day, at home and at work. ... I don’t want to be writing this letter. I do not want to have a family of faces that serve as my personal reasons for taking a stand. I was just fine trying to make a difference without having a personal reason to do so…but I did not get that choice and so, here I am, wounds reopened that had only just begun to heal a bit, dealing with the bad choices of one man in particular, Troy Lee Hovey.

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Making an impact....

Over the next few publications I will be sharing excerpts from my written impact statement and my spoken statement for court. Taking a stand does not have to require mountains of effort...each and every person who reads this blog can make a difference simply by submitting an impact statement to the courts when DUI criminals are scheduled to be sentenced, by making the right choice to never drink and drive and to never allow someone else to drink and drive.

It is only by taking a stand and sharing your voice that the courts and society will come to understand that we will not idly stand by while our loved ones are threatened and slaughtered on the streets.

Over 10,000 people die every year!...every year...as a result of DUIs...more people than, I believe, have died in Iraq or Afghanistan...I love and respect our soldiers...they have chosen to be soldiers...Victims of DUIs never get a choice.

I firmly believe that people must be held accountable for their behaviour...for their actions...for their choices...but to accomplish that, people within the society must take a stand and say or do something...or things never change until that unfortunate and terribly tragic day that they have a personal reason to do so...

August 18, 2010...a little justice...a little peace

I know that I should have posted this sooner...but this past week has been one of the hardest weeks I have had since we lost Amit two years ago. The recent probation violations and my need to take a stand brought me to a point where I had to revisit so very much of what I had been trying to move past.

Now, my hope is that we can all begin to heal again...continue the process to come to terms with the memories we must carry with us.

On Wednesday, August 18, Troy Lee Hovey was sentenced to 6 years and 8 months in prison. Troy must serve 80% of this sentence and must serve an additional three years of probation upon his release.

The following is the link to the Chico E-R article on the sentencing and the comment forum for the article.

http://www.chicoer.com/ci_15825100?source=rss_viewed

The judge almost gave Troy Hovey the harsher full sentence. It was only that he has no extensive prior criminal record that she chose to give him the "mid term."

The judge also shared that she had received numerous letters (for both sides) that generated a folder almost 4-5 inches thick. She read all of them at least once and some, more. She noted that in discussions prior to the sentencing that she and Mr. Hovey had had a discussion regarding the difference between a mistake and deceit and that Mr. Hovey had admitted that what he had done qualified as deceit.

Troy Hovey made his choices...he has admitted to his crimes...and now he must suffer the consequences of those choices. He has punished everyone...Deepika, Amit's family, Amit's friends, me, and his own family and friends by virtue of the choices he has made. In the end...we have a little justice, maybe a little more peace...we have the opportunity to heal...but Amit is still gone from our lives and nothing changes that reality. I cannot say that I am happy...I can just say that I will heal...as will so many others.

For those that are interested, I will be printing excerpts of my statements on this blog...

I will continue to post on both blogs...I will continue to try and make a difference, not only for Deepika, Amit, and Jevesh, but for so many others that must suffer the pain and heartache of such preventable and terrible tragedies.

Please...never drink and drive and never let anyone else drink and drive...Take a stand and do something...please...